On October 3rd of 2019 I said “See ya later” to my fiancé. As you can imagine it was the hardest and most tearful goodbye. That evening I asked the Lord how does my World Race and engagement go together? This seems like seasons clashing, ya know? He whispered to the depths of my heart, that both were woven together. They are not separate seasons, but uniquely and beautifully intertwined for His purpose.
Especially this part.
“YOU CAN STILL GO. You are brave & resilient and any love that is worth having will be there when you are finished. DO NOT miss out on this ridiculously beautiful and incredible year because you think it will be too hard… Love is what God created us for. It is not a bad thing you are in a relationship & want to be a missionary. It is a sacred and wonderful part of life so savour it and also pursue your heart dreams the Lord has given you.”
Thank you, friend.
These words have cheered me on SO MUCH, but before I launched I still worried… like what if I’m THAT girl who always talks about the boy at home? What about when I miss him? Will I be able to talk about it? Will people want to listen? Will he be okay? Am I going to miss him too much? Will it be a distraction? Will it end in disaster? Will we be able to pay for a wedding if I’m not working?
Fast forward and now here I am officially half way done with my Race. Now let me tell you what it’s like actually walking this thing out. When God said these two seasons are beautifully intertwined for His purpose… He really meant it. The phrase “double portion” accurately sums this whole shabang up. My sweet Jesus has held my hand the entire time and I know He will never stop doing so. He has walked me through every fear and confirmed I’m in His will more than ever. He has deepened my dreams and vision not only for myself, but as a future wife. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of the church being His Bride and his love for me. I have experienced Holy Spirit’s comfort and affirmation in my relationship with Eli. And most importantly Jesus has deepened my love not only for Himself, but for Eli too. It has been magnificently magical.
The biggest picture I can paint to show you what being engaged on the World Race looks like, is the love that Z squad has so gracious given to Eli and I. The people around me have truly become my biggest support. Z, you blew so many lies, fears, and doubts, out of the water. I could squeeze all of you!!! THANK YOU ENDLESSLY Z SQUAD.
Z truly celebrates with me, like when Eli became a firefighter! They have cheered me on, have extended countless words of encouragement, and continue asking how I’m doing. Also shout out to my squadmate, Amanda, WHO IS ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS. I could rave about her for ages. Thank you, sweet girl. Thank you for being there when it gets hard too, because sometimes this thing can really be difficult. I’ve definitely shed a few tears, cried in romantic movies (more than the normal amount), missed Eli so much, and thought 11 months seems more like a decade long (dramatic much?). One time I sat on the beach and a friend tossed me a shell and I burst into tears. LOL. It just reminded me of a sweet time when Eli and I walked down Wrightsville Beach in 2018. Definitely laughed that off afterwards. Those moments only last for a little while, because the double portion of this season is so GRAND that it outweighs them.
The Lord has truly been so sweet to us. I can’t say it enough, but He is so faithful to what He says. I wouldn’t want our engagement to be any other way (except maybe a tad shorter ??). I am praising Jesus for his grace that is intertwined in it all. Thank you, Jesus. You are so good.
