Offering My Broken Spirit

Hey, you.

In case you need a reminder that God can do the impossible.

A few weeks ago I spent an evening weeping. I was at the end of my rope and I felt so discouraged. Every area of my life felt spent and I had zero energy and optimism left. All summer I just kept pushing. Life would happen and I would just keep pushing on. My motto, keep moving forward, just felt meaningless and I couldn’t even get myself to grudgingly say it. The feels were so real. I felt like I had nothing left to offer or to give anymore. So many areas in my life just wouldn’t budge. The next morning I spent time reading psalm 51. As I stumbled across these words I felt like laughing, shouting, and mostly crying.

“You don’t take pleasure in sacrifices or burnt offerings. What sacrifice I can offer You is my broken spirit because a broken spirit, O God, a heart, You won’t detest.”

Psalm 51: 16-17

Well that was one thing I could offer to the Lord that day. I didn’t feel necessarily different, but I knew everything would be okay. Specifically one of the areas I felt discouraged in was my fundraising. I felt like I had done everything I could. I reached out to everyone I knew, I did every fundraiser I could think of, and I was pushing myself at work, working over 50 hours a week. After reading that psalm I took a walk. I felt lighter knowing I gave over my weary heart. I gave over what felt like the very last thing I could even offer to the Lord in that moment. Trust me, I believed the Lord would provide with all my heart. Shoot, He had done it before, I knew he would do it again, but I wasn’t necessarily walking in that trust. It’s so easy to know His promises, to believe He is moving, but to actively trust and walk in it is a whole different story. Often I find myself trying to “work” or even “earn” His promises, but the work is already done. Jesus did it. I don’t have to work for the peace, I just have to receive it. I don’t have to “hope” He will provide, He already has, is, and will.

On that walk, He whispered to my heart reminding me that I did my part, but now I was trying to do His. After offering my broken and exhausted spirit, I raised over $1,000 that day. I didn’t make some post, I didn’t talk about fundraising, or do an event, all I did was offer what the Lord always wanted. My heart, my trust, and my faith. All I had to do was get out of the way, and when I did the money began to pour in. I was truly receiving His promise. Over the next several days people I never expected to, donated. People reached out. Wonderful people asked to host fundraisers for me, so I didn’t have to. Others reached out and asked to partner with me monthly. Over and over, He provided. Over and over I was encouraged and strengthened by Him. I now have $10,000 raised!!! 

When you are at the end of your strength, your hope, your energy, even your time, He is not. When you are willing to offer your heart and ready to receive, He will move. This doesn’t just apply to finances, but to everything. Offer your heart to the Lord. Offer your joy, your praise, and shout a hallelujah. Especially when it is hard. He is not finished with you, and He most definitely won’t give up, even when you are ready to.

Take a deep breath in. Heaven is fighting for you. Breathe, because you are victorious.  Relax, He knows you. He knows what you are up against, and nothing is to big for our conquering King. Give your weary and broken spirit a break. You are in the palm of His hand.

Maia